I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
