2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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