Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
