omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm having to shit out rocks
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
