JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
