FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
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I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
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I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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