I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
