So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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