shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
