I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
