Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
