you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
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I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
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You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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