I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
