You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize