It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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