dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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