get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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