So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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