I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
