so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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