census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
