yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
