she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
