All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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