i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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