she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
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Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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