I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
