I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
