ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
