Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's rum buckets o'clock
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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