Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
