what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize