she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
