Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
last night I used snow as a chaser
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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