I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
