I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
