good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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