it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
