I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
