my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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