i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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