I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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