i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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