so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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