Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize