Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
