apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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