saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family