My sheets look like a crime scene.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
