I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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