I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once