omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
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thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
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I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.