he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
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The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
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And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I need a burrito and a hug.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.