I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
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i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
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You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.