Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her