For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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