I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
