Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
