I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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