Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
