ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
