I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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