That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
