My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize