oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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