you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
