Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
